Ill Equipped

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Blogging is so scary for me because I do not feel like I am smart enough or know enough about scripture. I have felt gentle nudges from God over the last 9 months or so asking me to speak, write, teach, or lead something, but I immediately say NO!! I will help all day, but I do not want to be in the front of anyone!! I cant even pray out loud God!! But I believe thats the enemy attacking me with my past & my fears of not measuring up or looking foolish if I were to say something wrong. Or what if I offend someone God? I have done that a lot in my past relationships. So, I tend to shy away from opening my mouth when I do feel the Holy Spirit prompting me.

Yesterday, I was heading out to workout when I grabbed my bluetooth keyboard, sat down, & started typing what was going through my head. When I finished I was a little dumbfounded…I said now what? And what was all that? Where did it come from? I shared it with my small group that meets on Tue. nights via email. Immediately the enemy started attacking me. No one is going to read it. They are all going to either lie to you or laugh behind your back about how many grammatical errors you typed. I then turned my thoughts to God, & said, “I prepared it & poured it out. How they respond is out of my control & doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I sent it, even if they reject it.” Later that day the emails started coming in with such encouraging & loving words of support. They encouraged me to start this blog. I am truly grateful for all the love & support from each one of my friends & family. My Yes is on the table God. I will be blogging about my random, heart-felt, God inspired thoughts, experiences with Him, & myhealth/fitness journey. It wont be perfect, but it will be real. 

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He has a Plan:

I lost my main cleaning contract about a month ago. It was the bulk of my income. It has not been replaced, but God has provided in other ways to provide for us what we need for the day. As of today we are taken care of by the grace of God. I own a commercial cleaning company & a title abstracting company. I have worked for myself the majority of my life. My life verse for the past 2 years has been Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,”. I do truly want to work for The Lord. 

I am passionate about God, health/fitness, & helping others. But I have never thought about using health/fitness for Gods glory until recently. The day I lost my cleaning contract I got a call from a woman who goes to HIghpoint in response to an email I sent out asking for prayer. She asked me if I had ever considered doing some type of healthy lifestyle change program at Highpoint. Naturally, I said NO! My first thoughts were…Why would I do that? Highpoint doesn’t have a fitness program. I cant make any money doing that & I need a job with money right NOW! But then something inside of me started brewing…HP doesn’t have these programs & it’s definitely needed in the community. Most people truly want to be healthy. They just don’t know what to do or how to do it. It’s too overwhelming for most people because they jump all in & come out saying thats just too much or too hard for me. So they fail & give up on their health goals. The next morning during my priority time, I had a vision of a lunch spot at HP that served healthy foods. My head was now completely full of thoughts & ideas that wouldn’t stop. I started writing every random thought down & of course praying hard for Gods direction. Then I started calling people & talking to people who I knew would tell me if I was crazy or not. The response was all positive. I set up an appt. with Andy Savage the next week. He & I had a phone call appt. on the following Tue. He loved the ideas & asked me to prepare some type of plan/outline for this program. I emailed him a powerpoint & my notes along with a few other leaders in the church.  Andy responded to my email yesterday. He loves the potential, but now Ive got to provide him with the programming, structure, & logistics of how & what all is needed in order to get this up & running. I am beyond excited about where God is leading me & others who want to be involved in this adventure. 

I still don’t have a new job or new income to cover my income lost, but I do have joy, peace, & a passion for something way bigger than me. I am full & my cup runs over in abundance with the blessings The Lord has given me thru this trial. This can only be from The Lord. I believe He is fulfilling the desires of my heart & leading me in this direction because it’s completely against my nature which is to pursue money. No income could fill me or satisfy me like The Lord is satisfying me now. He is providing for me what He knows I need & what He knows satisfies the desires of my heart. I keep hearing Him whisper, “Be still, Let go, Quit striving, Wait on Me to do a mighty work that glorifies Me (God) so you & the world will know that it was Me who did it.” And I keep telling Him, “Ok. I will trust You, obey You, & when I am afraid I will trust You Lord…please remember Your servant & provide for me financially through this journey.” I pinch myself every few days to remind myself that I still don’t have a steady flow of new income to pay these bills!! But I do have confidence in Gods resources. He has everything I need & He knows what I need.

Everything natural in me says you are crazy & they are going to foreclose on your house if you do not go hunt down a job. People are going to think you have snapped & lost your freaking mind if you keep telling them these things. And now you are publishing your crazy thoughts for the world to read!! You have lost it!! (FYI…I have applied for jobs & gotten some leads but nothing has panned out just yet.) But something else inside me tells me to believe God for what I have asked for & it will be done. I believe God. I know Him & love Him…I trust Him to show up & to show out. I serve an amazing God; a God of abundance who created me for His glory. I am believing Him for all of this & more. I pray you will believe & pray with me. His will. His way. His glory!

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Wisdom in Pain

Fear GodPain is a part of life, but it truly sucks! I hate it. I hate what it does to others. I hate that pain separates us from God & others. I hate that pain causes us to sin against God, others, & our own body. I know pain is also an essential part of life. We live in a fallen world. Therefore, we have to experience pain. If we lived in a fallen world without pain then we would never stop doing the things that hurt God, us & others. If pain didn’t exist we would not have protection against the things that could harm us daily. Think about a child who doesn’t know that the stove is hot. How would that child learn to stay away from the stove if there was no pain in the hot eye of the stove. The parent teaches the child not to touch the stove because it’s hot. The child doesn’t listen to the parent. The child touches the stove. The child gets burned. It hurts & leaves a burn mark. This teaches the child not to touch the stove again because it causes pain. The hope is that the child will learn from the first experience, but far too often it takes more than one painful experience for the child to grasp the lesson.

It’s no different with us who are children of God. He instructs us with His word & teaches us right from wrong. He guides us with His truth. We learn by reading & applying His word to our daily lives. But if we don’t read & apply His truth then we end up experiencing pain in our life at some point. Many of us (me included) experience unnecessary pain over & over again because we would not listen & apply His truth to our life. His commandments are for our ultimate protection & will go well with us IF we listen to Him.

We all want wisdom at some point in our life. But do we do what it takes to get it? Wisdom comes from God. In order to get wisdom we must seek God. How? By reading His word daily & renewing our mind. The first step in gaining wisdom is putting God first in our life. Then we must fear Him. At first, fearing God sounded a little weird & opposite to what I think of His character, but it’s the first step in gaining His wisdom. I have learned that when I fear God instead of a person or circumstance that I am showing Him respect, honor, obedience, & trust. I am saying You are God & I am not. I will submit to Your ways & trust that Your way is the best way. For example, if I am fearing what someone thinks of me by not standing firm in my convictions of gossiping then I feared that person’s opinion more than I feared what God says about the sin of gossip. Proverbs 29:25 (NIV) says, “Fear of man will prove to be a snare (trap/evil), but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe”. Fearing others leads me into a trap that leads to sin. Fear of God leads me into obedience & trust which keep me safe. I can fear God by standing firm in my conviction of not gossiping which honors God. Or I can participate in the sin of gossiping which hurts God, others, & myself. Leaving me with feelings of guilt & shame which produce more pain in my life. Fear of God is for our protection. It leads us away from sin & pain.

As I stated previously I hate pain, but without it I would choose sin over & over again. Therefore, I am grateful God gave us pain as a consequence of sin in order to protect us from committing the same sin over & over again. Wisdom is gained when we fear God, listen to Him, apply His truth daily, & learn from painful experiences; it is for our ultimate protection.