Blogging is so scary for me because I do not feel like I am smart enough or know enough about scripture. I have felt gentle nudges from God over the last 9 months or so asking me to speak, write, teach, or lead something, but I immediately say NO!! I will help all day, but I do not want to be in the front of anyone!! I cant even pray out loud God!! But I believe thats the enemy attacking me with my past & my fears of not measuring up or looking foolish if I were to say something wrong. Or what if I offend someone God? I have done that a lot in my past relationships. So, I tend to shy away from opening my mouth when I do feel the Holy Spirit prompting me.
Yesterday, I was heading out to workout when I grabbed my bluetooth keyboard, sat down, & started typing what was going through my head. When I finished I was a little dumbfounded…I said now what? And what was all that? Where did it come from? I shared it with my small group that meets on Tue. nights via email. Immediately the enemy started attacking me. No one is going to read it. They are all going to either lie to you or laugh behind your back about how many grammatical errors you typed. I then turned my thoughts to God, & said, “I prepared it & poured it out. How they respond is out of my control & doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I sent it, even if they reject it.” Later that day the emails started coming in with such encouraging & loving words of support. They encouraged me to start this blog. I am truly grateful for all the love & support from each one of my friends & family. My Yes is on the table God. I will be blogging about my random, heart-felt, God inspired thoughts, experiences with Him, & myhealth/fitness journey. It wont be perfect, but it will be real.
He has a Plan:
I lost my main cleaning contract about a month ago. It was the bulk of my income. It has not been replaced, but God has provided in other ways to provide for us what we need for the day. As of today we are taken care of by the grace of God. I own a commercial cleaning company & a title abstracting company. I have worked for myself the majority of my life. My life verse for the past 2 years has been Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,”. I do truly want to work for The Lord.
I am passionate about God, health/fitness, & helping others. But I have never thought about using health/fitness for Gods glory until recently. The day I lost my cleaning contract I got a call from a woman who goes to HIghpoint in response to an email I sent out asking for prayer. She asked me if I had ever considered doing some type of healthy lifestyle change program at Highpoint. Naturally, I said NO! My first thoughts were…Why would I do that? Highpoint doesn’t have a fitness program. I cant make any money doing that & I need a job with money right NOW! But then something inside of me started brewing…HP doesn’t have these programs & it’s definitely needed in the community. Most people truly want to be healthy. They just don’t know what to do or how to do it. It’s too overwhelming for most people because they jump all in & come out saying thats just too much or too hard for me. So they fail & give up on their health goals. The next morning during my priority time, I had a vision of a lunch spot at HP that served healthy foods. My head was now completely full of thoughts & ideas that wouldn’t stop. I started writing every random thought down & of course praying hard for Gods direction. Then I started calling people & talking to people who I knew would tell me if I was crazy or not. The response was all positive. I set up an appt. with Andy Savage the next week. He & I had a phone call appt. on the following Tue. He loved the ideas & asked me to prepare some type of plan/outline for this program. I emailed him a powerpoint & my notes along with a few other leaders in the church. Andy responded to my email yesterday. He loves the potential, but now Ive got to provide him with the programming, structure, & logistics of how & what all is needed in order to get this up & running. I am beyond excited about where God is leading me & others who want to be involved in this adventure.
I still don’t have a new job or new income to cover my income lost, but I do have joy, peace, & a passion for something way bigger than me. I am full & my cup runs over in abundance with the blessings The Lord has given me thru this trial. This can only be from The Lord. I believe He is fulfilling the desires of my heart & leading me in this direction because it’s completely against my nature which is to pursue money. No income could fill me or satisfy me like The Lord is satisfying me now. He is providing for me what He knows I need & what He knows satisfies the desires of my heart. I keep hearing Him whisper, “Be still, Let go, Quit striving, Wait on Me to do a mighty work that glorifies Me (God) so you & the world will know that it was Me who did it.” And I keep telling Him, “Ok. I will trust You, obey You, & when I am afraid I will trust You Lord…please remember Your servant & provide for me financially through this journey.” I pinch myself every few days to remind myself that I still don’t have a steady flow of new income to pay these bills!! But I do have confidence in Gods resources. He has everything I need & He knows what I need.
Everything natural in me says you are crazy & they are going to foreclose on your house if you do not go hunt down a job. People are going to think you have snapped & lost your freaking mind if you keep telling them these things. And now you are publishing your crazy thoughts for the world to read!! You have lost it!! (FYI…I have applied for jobs & gotten some leads but nothing has panned out just yet.) But something else inside me tells me to believe God for what I have asked for & it will be done. I believe God. I know Him & love Him…I trust Him to show up & to show out. I serve an amazing God; a God of abundance who created me for His glory. I am believing Him for all of this & more. I pray you will believe & pray with me. His will. His way. His glory!
6 thoughts on “Ill Equipped”
I so enjoyed this! God is good and always in control. When He opened the door for me to go to mainland China, it was sudden, transpired quickly and He supplied my need from beginning to end. Most everyone thought I was crazy to pick up and go as He led, but it was AMAZING! Were there tough times through it, absolutely, I cried myself to sleep the first night there, alone, scared, but God saw me through it all. I love how He works…..you GO lady! God will be your cheerleader and so will many others! Love you!
Thank you so much for your kind words! I am so humbled by the love being poured out & that anyone takes the time to actually read my blog!! Love u!
I loved your blog! You have so much courage and strength to take the scary new path God has urged you to do and proclaim it just as He wanted. Your blog is inspiring just as you are. I know God has everything laid out for you and He will reveal it in due time!
Thank you Heather!! You are too kind! I appreciate your encouragement!!
God bless you, sweet niece of mine. Your blog is definitely inspiring…and, do not sell yourself short….you are GOOD at expressing your thoughts. When negative thoughts pop up, just push them away and say, “Get out of my head, this is not a campground! ” God is sufficient for all your needs.
Thank you Judy!! Love u!