Do you ever feel restless for no reason whatsoever? Everything seems to be good around you & within the circles of friends & family. So, why this nagging restless feeling when everything seems right? My life is pretty calm right now. I can’t complain, well, I could, but I won’t. There aren’t any major problems to deal with or any heartbreaking stories to tell for which I am extremely grateful!! Praise the Lord!! But, something doesn’t feel right on the inside. I can’t put my finger on it, but I’m definitely restless. My restlessness is an indicator letting me know something needs to be addressed on the inside. I need to bring my restlessness to God & ask Him to help me see what He sees. I need God to help me wade through these emotions & face them head on. I’ll be honest, a big part of me wants to bypass God and just handle it on my own. And by handle it, I mean avoid it all together & pretend it’s nothing. I don’t know what is on the other side of these restless emotions. I’d rather just avoid & move on. But, I have a feeling God wants me to linger here a little longer in order to reveal the root of the restlessness.

Have you ever tried to bypass God? No? Oh, I guess that’s just me! Well, let me tell you, you can’t! I mean you can try and you might prolong things a bit, but eventually God will get His way. And His way is actually way better than our way and it produces good things in us. Our way doesn’t usually change us or produce anything good. It just keeps us stuck or going in circles. God has good intentions towards us even in those uncomfortable places that we just wish He would leave alone or let us bypass. I have a few places I wish He would let me avoid, but I know nothing will change if I do not face these things. The process will probably be challenging & it will likely be painful to some degree. But, the good news is, I don’t have to face these uncomfortable places alone. Deuteronomy 31:8 says “The Lord is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.”

So, why do we try to bypass God if He promises to be with us? He clearly tells us that He is going ahead of us and that He will not fail or forsake us. Maybe it’s because we try to handle things in our own strength & own way. I don’t know about you, but I struggle with asking others for help. But, I also have a hard time asking for God’s help too at times. I go to Him for the big things, but I don’t always go to God for help with the things I think I can handle on my own. Or those things I do not really even want to handle like facing the root of my restlessness. It too shall pass right? Or maybe this restlessness won’t pass until I fully surrender to doing it God’s way & trust Him with the outcome.

If God is asking you to face something difficult or painful today, you can trust that He has already gone ahead of you. He has made a way through for you. He will not fail you nor forsake you. Don’t try to bypass God’s way. God’s way is the best way and He intends to do good to you.

 

CAT

 

My life feels like an episode of Survivor at times. It has been full of tough obstacle courses & lots of adventure. Adventure is two sided. One side has difficult courses such as facing hard & painful circumstances that test my faith in God & humanity. Honestly, I don’t really like this side of adventure even though it usually produces more good in my life than I’d care to admit. The other side is usually a season of reaping what I’ve learned in the difficult seasons of sowing. It’s a bit like coasting down a zip line….effortless & fun. However, this never seems to last too long at least not in my life.

I have experienced the ups & downs, dead end paths, wrong turns, cuts & bruises, tears of joy, tears of sadness, love, loss, happiness, joy, pain, and most of all amazing grace in every part of it. I can honestly say that my life has been an adventure full of lots of hard obstacles that have made me stronger. The hard obstacles seem to produce the best in me. Its kinda like working out. It is hard at the beginning, but the longer I stick with it the stronger I get. I will reap the benefits if I just stay the course & get the training I need in order to advance in my fitness.

It’s no different with our faith muscles. We have to train them & use them in order for spiritual maturity. Have you ever wanted to give up? Or asked God, Why are you putting me through this hard season? I know I have been asking these questions lately. But I had to re word my questions. Instead of asking why God, I am asking what do you want me to learn through this situation? What is Your purpose in my pain? God always has a purpose and it usually isn’t about us or the circumstances at all. He wants us to grow and mature into who He created us to be in Him.

A few months ago, I went thru a challenging season. It was extremely hard for me on an emotional painful level. It was filled with good times & bad times. It kinda felt like a bipolar roller coaster. I kept screaming, Let me off this ride!! I don’t like the bad times, but God is still good. In Job 2:10 it says, “But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women speaks. Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?” Apparently, Job was way more spiritual than me. I don’t want the bad times, but who am I to question what God gives me? He is in control not me. He has a purpose for the bad in my life as well as the good. All is grace even in the midst of my hard seasons. It may not seem like grace at first, but once I decide to willingly go thru it God always changes my perspective & His purpose always prevails.

The painful part of that season was the worst for me. I dont do pain well. I avoid it at all cost. But in order to experience the good times we must also experience pain. I wish it wasnt that way, but God hasnt asked for my opinion which is probaby a good thing…if I were in control we would not have pain or bad times. This seems like a good thing right? Well imagine a life with no pain…seems wonderful…right up until you realize we would not be able to experience love either. I’m not talking about no pain like when we get to heaven, but rather no pain here on earth. We would not care if someone died or broke our hearts. And we would not be safe because we would keep doing the things that hurt us over & over again except we would not know these things were hurting us due to the lack of painful consequences. Pain is good. Pain reminds us of consequences we experienced due to sin in our life. Whether it be our own sin or someone else’s sin that caused us pain. Pain also reminds us that we were loved at one point & lost that love due to death or the end of a relationship. That old poetry quote rings true today, ‘Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.’

During that chalenging season I had my heart broken for the first time in many years. It hurt. It still hurts at times. But I experienced love in a real & tangible way that I had never felt before. It was good…uber good (inside joke). I believe it healed a part of me that I never thought would or could be repaired. God used this relationship to restore me, heal me, & repair a very broken part of me. I thought He was using this relationship to give me a husband. But He apparently had other plans. He revealed several character flaws about myself that I have known, but never experienced myself. I’ve been the giver of cold spells/emotional detachment, but never the receiver. This pain has humbled me in a mighty God sized way. I now know how bad this hurts others because I have experienced the pain firsthand. I never once thought of the other person when I was dishing out my cold spells or cutting someone out of my life due to my lack of not being able to verbalized my feelings & needs.

God used that relationship to show me how to love someone & be loved by someone. I was fully known & accepted by another person in such an intimate way (not sexual). He was fully known & accepted by me too. I felt free to be myself for the first time in a relationship with a man. This relationship came to an abrupt end without warning. I was confused & hurt more than anything. I wanted to be angry & hate him for hurting me so bad and without reason. But I can’t. I won’t. Instead, I choose to forgive him & let go of my pain. God sees, God hears, & God cares about my pain. He healed my brokenness once again. There is purpose in my pain.

Life is an adventure filled with good times and bad times. We can’t control the amount of good or bad, so we might as well just live in the moment & be grateful for the gifts God gives us. Garth Brooks says it best in one of his classic songs, The Dance.

“And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end
the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance.”

I could of missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance. Would I still go into the relationship If I knew things would end this way? Probably not. But I would have missed all the good I got to experience thru this relationship. I don’t want to miss out on the good times just to avoid any bad times. God lets things happen for a reason. My part is to trust Him & let go of my plan especially when I don’t understand His plan.

Are you questioning God lately?

Why did You allow this bad thing to happen?

Why didn’t You stop this God?

Remember God is good all the time even in our bad times. Trust He has a plan and a purpose for your pain. He sees, He knows, & He cares about your pain. He will heal & restore you in His perfect timing. He has already began the healing process in my life, so I can say these words to you with confidence in Him knowing that He will heal you too.

CAT

My whole life got flipped upside down when I took a job on July 7, 2014. I went from being self-employed to a full-time employee. I lost one of my largest commercial cleaning accounts in May. I was pretty upset at first, but knew God would provide for me and my daughter. I had so much peace while I was waiting on God to show up. I just knew He was going to provide what we needed. After all, He is my provider (Phil 4:19). I truly learned how to rest in Him during this season and wait on Him to provide. I was excited for God’s provision to come thru. I just knew it was going to be amazing.

I got a call from my grandmother on a Friday afternoon in June. She left me a voicemail about a job offer with a company that I had worked for 10 years ago. I sent my resume in that same day. I went in for an interview Monday. I was offered the job by the time I got home. I negotiated, then accepted the job. Did I pray for guidance before accepting this job? No. I didn’t. I had been praying for God to provide, so I just took the job as a gift from God. But was it a gift from God? Or was it a stumbling block from the enemy to steer me away from my God-given desires and passions?

I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I took this job. It met all my requirements on paper along with some pretty sweet bonuses. I really thought God had given me the perfect job to replace the missing income. Two days into this job my commercial cleaning account came back. I was grateful for the return of this account, but was worried about being able to handle it all. Can I quit? Is it wise to quit? Can I trust that my client won’t up and leave me again? These questions plagued my thoughts for weeks. I finally decided I should stay a little longer. I really did not want to, but I was not hearing anything from God to direct me. Honestly, I kind of felt like God had cut me off once I started the job. So how was I going to juggle a full-time job, run a commercial cleaning company, be a single full-time mom, and have a life in Him?

This perfect job turned into a nightmare. I would work 10-14 hours a day and then have to check on my cleaning properties. I worked on the weekends at the cleaning company to make up the work I didn’t get to during the weekday. I literally worked 7 days a week. I dropped out of all my extracurricular activities. All those God-given desires and passions got pushed to the side. I did not have any time for my small group, women’s bible study group, or my gym time. I love working out, so not being able to do this was killing me. I did manage to get my priority time in daily, but I was crying and complaining the majority of the time, begging God to speak to me. I needed His direction, but I was getting silence. I was so consumed with my work, my desire to quit this job, and all my needs. I did not even notice how much distance was growing between me and my daughter. She was pulling away from me. And quite frankly, I was letting her because I didn’t have time for her either. I was present, but I was not actively parenting her the way I should have been. She was rebelling and I did not have the patience to deal with it. Therefore, I was a reactive parent instead of a proactive one. Our fun Friday nights had turned into the dreaded grocery shopping night at Sam’s. I stopped meeting with her on Saturdays to discuss the word of God. I was too tired. I always had something else that needed to get done due to my overwhelming schedule. My life was quickly falling apart, but I could not see it because I was too busy.

I started getting really good at this job as well as juggling the demands of my cleaning company. It only took me about 4.5 months to finally stop crying everyday. I settled into this new all work and no life lifestyle. I got the work done each day, but I didn’t have a life. I was making money and helping other people make money. But I had no purpose in this job other than financial gain. I was bitter and angry more than I had ever been in my life. I felt like a part of me had shriveled up and died. I hardly worked out or saw my friends. I wasn’t involved with my church. I was pretty negative during this season. I complained everyday. I am not a complainer by nature. I try to see the best in every situation. But this situation was sucking the life right out of me. I knew something had to change, but I didn’t know which way to go. I was filled with fear to quit and fear to stay.

In November, I started to hear from God again. I was convicted of chasing after vain idols, certainty, and security in this job instead of God. I prayed for Him to show me if I could quit or not. I didn’t want to quit if He had given me this job. Who am I to say no to what He gives? I was confused, but knew something had to change. I was so stressed and filled with so much anxiety daily. If one thing went wrong during my day then everything I was trying to juggle would come falling down. The stress finally took a turn for the worse mid November. I was admitted into the ER one morning for passing out unexpectedly and repeatedly. The doctors really didn’t have an answer as to what caused the episodes other than stress. God made it pretty clear that I was failing miserably in all areas of my life. And for what? Money? Security? Comfort? Was it really worth it? What good is it if I gain the whole world and lose my life? It was not worth it. I would rather have my life than all those other things. But I sure wasn’t living like I believed that.

I finally got up enough courage to resign from this job in January 2015. It only took me 8 months. I was paralyzed with fear the entire time at this job. All the what if’s kept going thru my head…what if you lose the cleaning contract again, what if you don’t have enough to pay your bills? But Gods voice said, “I will be with you wherever you go” Joshua 1:9. He also said, that He is my rescuer if these things should happen (paraphrased 2 Chronicles 20:9). This paralyzing fear was crippling to my walk with God. I wasn’t living a life of faith in Him. I did not trust Him to provide for me. I was starting to trust in the security of this job instead of God. I was letting all my priorities go in order to do this job and keep up with all my work. I was slowly gaining the world and quickly losing my life. The person I was becoming was not the person I wanted to leave behind as a legacy to my daughter. I was becoming a work-obsessed human being who wanted comfort, certainty, and security instead of the life God has in store for me. I resigned in order to step out in faith the God is enough. I would rather have life in Him than spend my life chasing this world. I know this may not make sence to a lot of people, but that is ok. It doesn’t always makes perfect sense to me either, but I have faith that God will be there wherever I go. I believe this is His will for my life. I am to trust in Him to provide for me and forgo my idols. I know the will of God will not take me where the grace of God cannot sustain me.

I was stretched and strengthened during this whole 8 months at this job. I have grown in mercy and grace in multiple areas of my life. I am grateful for having worked at this job. God has used it to teach me many lessons.I have never had to work like this before. It was hard on so many levels. I had prided myself on being a single mom for years who did not need anyone’s help. I could do it all. This season has humbled me in many ways. But God has shown me how much He loves me, cares for me, and will always be there with me even during my ugly seasons. He has given me so much grace in multiple ways throughout this season. His grace covered my sin of idols and security, my ugly attitudes, and my passive reactive parenting during this season. His grace also provided what I needed in order to juggle everything without losing my cleaning company or my life. He held everything together. There is no way I could have juggled a full-time job, ran a cleaning company, been a mom, and kept my life from completely falling apart. His grace provided for all of those things to be held together. His grace also led me out of this job so that I could have my life back in Him. I still don’t know if this job was a gift from God or a stumbling block from Satan. But what I do know is “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose”, Romans 8:28

God is for us. He loves us and will never leave us or forsake us. If you are a child of God then His grace covers you too. Whatever is going on in your life remember that God is there with you. He will help you and provide what you need even when everything appears as if it is falling apart. He holds everything together. God always has a purpose in everything and sometimes it is for us to grow. He will be there when disaster strikes and He will rescue you. “Should evil come upon us, the sword, or judgment, or pestilence, or famine, we will stand before this house and before You (for Your name is in this house) and cry to You in our distress, and You will hear and deliver us.” 2 Chronicles 20:9