This month has been rough! I feel like I’ve done something wrong and maybe I’m being punished for it. I know that’s not true, but I have had that thought cross my mind. I recognize it’s the enemy wanting me to doubt God’s goodness & His faithfulness. So I remind myself of God’s truth and choose to believe Him over the lies of the enemy. It’s not easy to do especially when life feels really hard. I can do hard things. I’m not one to throw in the towel or go cry in a corner when things are hard. I tend to scream or yell instead…Just keeping it real y’all 🤣. I have a high tolerance for pressure, pain, & hard things. But lately I’ve found myself feeling exhausted by it all. I’m exhausted because I haven’t had a good nights sleep in 3 weeks.
It started back a few weeks ago when my air conditioner went out. It took a week to get replaced. I didn’t get much sleep during that week. On Sunday the day after the A/C was replaced I hurt my back washing the dogs. That was painful which made it hard to sleep for another week. Finally I start feeling better but ended up throwing my back out AGAIN on the following Saturday. I felt pain from my back down to my toes. I thought I broke my back. That is how bad it hurt. Tears welled up in my eyes as I tried to make it to the bed to lay down. I laid there for about 5 mins contemplating whether or not I should call 911. I was in excruciating pain, but I didn’t have my phone near me so I had to lay there until I could move again. Once I pulled myself up off the bed and rose to my feet I felt a little better. It still hurt but not to the point of going to the emergency room. I have been dealing with that pain for about a week now. It’s been pretty bad every day especially at night when I go to bed. So here I am functioning on very little sleep over the last 3 weeks and my truck breaks down. Yes, my brand new truck is sick. It needs a new lifter (whatever that is) & possibly an entire engine. Like what is going on in my life? But that’s not all…I can’t even get a loaner vehicle or a rental because no one has any available!!! NO ONE! How does this even happen? How are there no rental cars available anywhere? How am I supposed to go to work & make a living?
So you see there are many things out of my control right now which typically makes me very anxious or angry. However, I have had a blanket of peace through it all that can only be explained by Gods grace. I keep feeling peace instead of despair in all these things I’ve been dealing with. I have even laughed about it a few times. (Probably because I’m losing my mind 🤣.) I didn’t realize until the last two days how much God was fighting for me and giving me His peace through all of this adversity. He is so faithful in everything we go through even when we aren’t aware of it. I’m grateful for God’s sovereignty in every area of life. He has all things under control even if it looks or feels out of control.